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Dating someone with breast cancer

Sveta Bilyalova

rating 2

28 years old


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Shortly after, my relationship fell apart. I was dating my boyfriend Rob for six months when something big happened: I was diagnosed on July 28, , with stage two breast cancer and found out I had to start chemotherapy immediately. I also learned that I had approximately 14 days until I would be bald from the chemotherapy, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was a healthy, fit, year-old, with no trace of any cancer in my family. As I ventured into the world of chemotherapy, oncologist appointments and uncertainty about the future, I also unwittingly stepped into a new realm of dating and relationships—or, in some cases, the lack thereof. I was terrified of a double mastectomy, mostly of the idea of someone cutting off my nipples. The day I was scheduled to meet the surgeon and discuss my surgical options, my boyfriend was supposed to come with me. It felt like he was leaving me when I needed someone most. Seven more days and I would be bald.

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Although there might not be a perfect time to tell someone about everything you have been through, there are perhaps less ideal times. I often advise patients not to have this discussion on first dates as this is a lot to process for both you and your potential partner. There is also a level of vulnerability that is required for a discussion like this that may not be suited for very initial stages of a new relationship. When you are ready, it is important however to mention that you have had breast cancer before being intimate with someone. Below are a few tips to consider as you think about having these conversations: Try to come from a place of love and connection. Find your comfort level — It is often obvious to a partner if you are uncomfortable.

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Here are some tips on dealing with dating after breast cancer: Remember breast cancer is not who you are. Get to know the person a little first before you give them this information. Accept it and move on.

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Single Women: Finding Your Way

Finding Your Way Single Women: She had no way to find help as a single woman looking for a relationship, wanting to know when and how to tell about her mastectomy and her disease. She wrote the book Up Front: Sex and the Post-Mastectomy Woman, a personal account of how she coped with these problems unfortunately out of print, but worth tracking down in a library or a used book store. Each time she met someone new, Linda had to struggle with when and how to tell, and then how to behave in intimate situations.

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